The Hangover Formula

For those who are discovering an increase in hangovers, I have done a bit of research in an attempt to, quite frankly, help us all drink more and suffer less.
This is the formula I have devised to illustrate the results of my research:

Hi= VxA%xCl / H20xFxT

Hi= Hangover Index
is directly proportional to:

V = Volume of alcohol consumed
A%= Percentage of Alcohol in Beverage
Cl = Congeners level

and inversely proportional to:

H2O= Level of hydration
F = Volume of food in stomach
T = Time over which the beverages are consumed.

Thus one can reduce the effects of a hangover by reducing the V, A%, and Cl and increasing the H20, F and T.

For those who are not familiar with congeners level, it is the level of impurities created during the fermenting process. The following is an abbreviated list with the drinks high in Cl listed first:

Port Wine
Red Wine
Bourbon
Rum
Brandy
Single Malt Scotch
Blended Scotch
Cider
Dark Beer
Regular Beer
Tequila
White Wine
Gin
Vodka
Lite Beer
Champagne
Cocktails

Take note, cheaper booze is usually higher in congeners, clear booze is generally lower.

So there you have it. By following the formula one can simply drink more and feel less bad about it. It is my hope you will use this information only for good, and not for evil purposes, nor should you share this with the wrong people.